Afterthoughts: or Some Pistachios Won't Open – Wisdom for the UnreflectiveRichard Ayoade has set down his most enormous thoughts for the benefit of all those who dare read them. Thoughts like . . . TV detectives need a gimmick. Mine would be not caring who did it. If, when one door shuts, another door opens, there's something wrong with your doors. They shouldn't be doing that. Where's the box to tick if you ARE a robot? My mother used to say Manners Maketh the Man, but I didn't think it was very mannerly of her to make fun

her clients become the victims of a serial killer

breaking in to houses with his grandfather

he'll be booted off the family estate for good

The artificial river

After a murder at the club

author of The Other Mrs Walker

insinuating themselves into the ruler's good graces - the flashy

*A rocket of a read

clever and blonde and my friends were pretty

Worse: the system is run by an American corporation

and the terrible events that befell them

and a merciless nemesis that takes no chances